Presenting at a Conference with Your Baby: It Takes a Village and Realistic Expectations

I meant to put up this post months ago, but completely got side-tracked by excessive need to chat about anything other than what I mean to talk about.

One of my first posts when I re-started blogging was about how difficult I found it to travel with my family because it was hard to let them act as childcare, because they were doing me a favor. Well, I realized that this desire to minimize the help I received was not leading me to accomplish any of my goals and I began to be more vocal about what I needed and expected if someone was so kind as to offer me their time.

I had a paper accepted at an international conference. A big one. The paper presentation was in October, when Z was not even 2 months old. I needed to take her with me. I needed to give the paper. I needed to see some of the other papers/attend some meals/do some schmoozing. I needed help.

My dad offered right away. I didn't think it was going to work out. My dad likes to attend the conferences. He would want to hear the papers. If left with a 2 month old, he would not be able to join in the fun (and, yes, to us, this is fun). However, after considering hiring a local sitter to watch the baby and seeing if my sister was available, I decided to go with my Dad, because he was willing and could pay for his own flight.

I now feel bad because he did excellently, although I do think that this trip was such a success because I both stated my objectives and what I expected of him as my child's caregiver, but, also, I lowered my expectations about what was truly possible. Also, most of the historians I hung out with were women - many medievalists are women - and, even though I'm sure some will be surprised as they are all ardent feminists, they LOVE babies. The only person there who tolerates babies is my adviser and I knew this going in. My adviser, however, is completely realistic ABOUT babies. She is the oldest of a large family and knows what they demand.

What I'm saying is: you want people to remember you and you are a medievalist? Bring your baby to a conference. Everyone loved her, cooed over how well-behaved she was (she's an infant, she sleeps), and were also so impressed with my Dad, who basically followed me to a foreign country, so I could give a paper.

Here's what I told my Dad: I would leave him with the baby for only two hours at a time and then I would switch with him. He would not be able to bring the baby to my paper. No matter what, he needed to watch the baby while I gave my paper.

Here were my hopes: Attend at least one panel a day. Attend one conference gathering around evening. Go to the "big" conference lunch. Go to dinner with adviser and fellow panelists. Give paper.

Here were my expectations: Give paper.

Honestly, I went into this weekend with the belief that if I just could give the paper all would be well. I embraced Dr. Sear's mantra that even if Z cried for the 90 minute panel, she would be crying in loving arms. Luckily, it wasn't an issue.

I left Z with my dad for two panels on two different days as well as my own panel. I brought her with me to the lunch, to the evening gathering, and to the last panel of the conference. She started the dinner with my adviser hanging out with my Dad, but ended up joining us, screaming in the restaurant on my shoulder for 5 minutes, and passing out. She hung out in a bar with me and some other attendees. For some of this, my dad hovered outside, just in case. For some of it, I let him wander off.

Ultimately, it was a success, because after traveling with Q and trying to figure out what to do and how to handle everything, I decided that I wasn't going to handle everything. If I brought Z somewhere and she became upset, we'd leave. It was life. She was a newborn. Everyone would and did understand. All I wanted to do was give my paper and I did that and more. I had a great weekend. Z loves her PawPaw. As of right now, it is my favorite conference, which I have attended ever.

Also, it's always cool to bring your baby into a bar. Z is so hardcore.

A pretty spot-on assessment of working from home by someone else

Pamie on working from home.

Albeit, sans children. Really need that full-time Edwardian nanny (or two) to show up.

Oh, and the blogger Get A Life, PhD asks if I have an overwork problem? Nope, I have an underwork problem. 

Research Trips When Traveling with Your Family, Part I

I have now been on four research trips when traveling with a child:

1. International trip for 14 days with a 7 month old Q, my husband and my dad.

2. International trip for 7 days with a 15 months old Q and my dad.

3. Trip across the country for 7 days with a 19 months old Q and my dad.

4. International trip for 7 days with a 2.5 year old Q, my husband and my dad. I was also 6 months pregnant.

Why bring your family at all? Well, if you are like us, then your children are exceedingly attached to their mom, possibly breastfeeding forever, and your husband would have to take time off from work when you were away anyway, so why not make it a family trip. One of the two times my husband didn't come, we were also staying with my brother and sister-in-law, so it was a research/visiting family trip.

So what have I learned? If you can afford it, pay someone to be your childcare. (Broken record, much?) Secondly, make sure you have clear boundaries and guidelines about what is expected of those caring for your children and what you hope to accomplish by this trip. Third(ly), have realistic expectations. Let me explain:

It is lovely of your family to want to help and I am exceedingly lucky that I have this option. My father very much loves traveling with us, spending time with his granddaughters, and doing historical stuff. However, at all times I am aware of the fact that he is doing us a favor. (This is not his fault - he never spoke this way or indicated that he felt this way - I just felt guilty. Ah, Catholic guilt.) If he wants to check something out/see something, I feel badly saying "no." (Or I did, but I'll cover that in my post about attending conferences with your children.)  My husband has a habit of repeatedly asking when I'll be done for the day. I would always tell him the time that the archives closed, but, after the 4th or 5th questioning, my guilt would increase (possibly all in my head) and I would either leave to meet up at lunch or leave early. Now, I always saw everything I needed to see, but I felt stressed and rushed doing so. I did the same when my dad and I were solo in a foreign city in winter. I would leave early, because I felt bad that he was stuck in a hotel room all day with my toddler.

Q, 15 months, entertains herself in a hotel room while I archive it up

Beyond that, I have discovered that my family manages to get sick when traveling. During one trip, the night we arrived my daughter came down with a 103 fever and, as I found at the next day at an urgent care clinic, her first and only ever ear infection. Of course, this meant that I stayed home with her that day, because, sad baby. Her illness was nothing compared to the time we flew to Europe for me to give a paper and do some research. My husband, who had the sniffles on the flight over, declared himself freezing that night, bundled himself up, and, as I realized at 2am courtesy of our daughter's thermometer, which I never travel without as the one time I did it was a disaster, had a 105 degree temperature. Yes, 105. What adult gets a 105? Luckily, I had already given my paper (landed in the morning and gave the paper that afternoon) and his fever broke within a few hours as I gave him lots of advil and forced him to take off the many layers he was wearing, but it did cause some problems with attending the second day of the conference as well as the research I planned to carry out over the rest of the trip.

To return to what I have learned, here's how I think it would have gone better if I could have paid for childcare: I wouldn't have felt guilty about not leaving the archives until closing because I was paying the person to watch my children. I could have explained what I expected them to do with my child and gone about my business.

Of course, what graduate student or even non-graduate student can afford to fly a sitter with them all over the place as well as pay them for their services? Yeah, not too many. This problem brings me back to the need for definite boundaries/guidelines. It is only now, after 3+ years of having children, that I have learned to clearly communicate what I need my family to do if they very generously offer their time. I need them to assume that I will be at the archives all day. I need them to feed my daughters and make sure they nap. I need them to understand that this is a business trip and, just as they wouldn't pull someone out of a meeting, they can't pull me out of the archives. These are very important "meetings" to my career.

Finally, I need to manage my expectations and this concept is also 3+ years in the making. It will make me sound horrible, but I had a breakdown after my husband came down with his insanely high temperature. Well, after it broke and a couple of days had passed and he criticized my driving. Did I mention, I was also 6 months pregnant with Z. I realize that I can't afford multiple nannies like Brad and Angelina and that people, especially kids, get sick and need their moms, especially if their moms have been their primary care provider since birth. Suddenly being in daddy or grandpa's care, though lovely, is a rude awakening for little babies and even toddlers.

I need to accept that when traveling with my family I may not be able to attend every panel or dinner at a conference. I may need to leave the archive at lunchtime. I will need to figure out a way to pump at the archives, so as to have some bottles ready for my daughter the next day. I need to accept that while it may feel like one step forward, two steps back, everything I do is moving me closer to my goal of finishing my degree.

In another post, I will explain how I was able to put all of this knowledge together when, my Dad,  Z and I attended a conference when she was 9 weeks old. I am also working on a Part II to this post, which focuses on how to make your research trip with children goes as smoothly as possible from a practical point of view.

Childcare Dreams and Why I blame 19th/early 20th Century Novels for My Unrealistic Expectations

I grew up on Lucy Maud Montgomery and her Anne of Green Gables. You know what happened to Anne after she and Gilbert got married and began to have their kids? *Spoiler Alert* They hired a housekeeper, who was always more than glad to take over the child-rearing and allow Anne the time to write.

In Dorothy L. Sayers's mystery novels, Harriet Vane seems to have an entire coterie of staff wandering about for the sole purpose of caring for her children and allowing her time to write.

I picture women in Edwardian dress - probably white linen - sitting in gardens, writing out their work, while nursemaids in wonderfully starched outfits bring their children by to say hello and, then, take them somewhere else while the mother gets her work done.

Depiction of the Mother Writing "The Railway Children" from the Movie

As a historian, I know that most women did not have this luxury. Heck, my great-grandmother was the nursemaid in the wonderfully starched outfit. And, yet, I have this dream that, maybe just for a month, I'll have this luxury as well. I do like being home with the girls and caring for them, but, wouldn't it be nice to have uninterrupted time to finish my work?

Darn you mystery novels of a by-gone era that revolved around the lives of upper class women who had the means to have this help. And looked stunning in white linen.

Edwardian Nursemaid with her Charge

How I Got a Job Teaching Online

When Q was a baby, I applied to a bunch of online teaching positions. I didn't have any funding for the year, couldn't teach because I was home with Q (who was born at the very beginning of the semester), we were surviving on one income in NYC and I was hoping, at some point, to be able to afford childcare (do you see a theme in my writing? When you have children and have a full-time job and, yes, writing a dissertation falls under this umbrella, you need childcare). I didn't get any of the positions. I don't think I even heard back from them.

Two years later, I asked a friend of mine, who had successfully landed some online teaching positions, how she did it. Eventually, with her advice, I began to re-apply. I made an Excel spreadsheet of all the adjunct positions for which I applied and, according to it, in December 2011, I applied for 2 positions at brick-and-mortar schools (that's the lingo, now you know). I landed a part-time position teaching two classes at a local community college. It was awesome. They even mentioned me joining full-time at some point. I took a free class they offered for faculty hoping to teach in their online program. Then, they announced that they were massively in-debt and the full-time faculty had to increase their workloads and they stopped bringing in adjuncts. So, in May 2012, I applied to 10 online teaching positions, for community colleges, 4 year colleges, and for-profit colleges. Eventually, I heard back from one (yes, just one) - a for-profit - and they hired me. Well, ever since if you ignore the month long orientation I had to pass before I was officially assigned a class.

Anyway, I've decided to pass on all I have learned about applying for and working at a for-profit online program. (Be aware, however, that the for-profit education industry is shrinking due to increased regulation by the federal government, but, if you are hoping to work from home, it might be your best bet.) Here goes:

The best website to see who is looking is: http://onlineadjunctjobs.blogspot.com/ but the Chronicle of Higher Ed or even a simple google search works. Here are some major for-profit schools and you can easily search their websites: American InterContinental, Southern New Hampshire, Nova Southeastern, Capella, Ashford, Walden, and Grantham. Of course, there is also the U of Phoenix, but they don't pay that well. Most of these schools have short semesters, such as 5-10 weeks and pretty much go on a rolling basis all year long. I started with one course a semester, was given two this semester (my 4th teaching for them), and you max at with three classes a semester.

I lucked out with the school that hired me because they were re-structuring their general education requirements. I *think* that a lot of the schools will be doing this to help stay relevant with all the increased regulation.

For-profits largely have a template for each class, they want us to be facilitators, not just teachers (although, as I mentioned in the post about my weekly schedule, I give one weekly lecture per class. It is archived for students unable to attend). Buzz words: asynchronous (meaning students and teachers interact via the discussion board at disparate times) and synchronous (we're all in one place at one time, ie for a video lecture).  Our biggest responsibilities are being active on the Discussion Boards by asking leading questions and making sure we get the grades in on time. Most schools have weekly assignments, which must be graded by a certain day each week. For example, every week, students must have their discussion board posts and a separate essay in by Sunday night and I need to have them graded by the following Wednesday. I do not write the syllabus, assignments, or grading percentages; they are all given to me.

If you are interested in teaching online, I would cast your net wide. Once you get the job, it could still be 2 months before you see a paycheck as most schools will have you complete a 3-4 week orientation. Also, remember to talk up both your online teaching experience and your willingness to try new things. Have you taught mature students? That's a bonus as many online students are military and/or those with full-time jobs and/or families.  For-profit schools are corporations and act like such. I have a faculty manager, department manager, and mentor. How many classes I teach or if I teach is based on reviews by my faculty manager, my mentor, and my student evaluations. We have 1 departmental meeting a term and 1 with the faculty manager. I need to complete certain continuing ed criteria (for free through a company they work with) each quarter. Overall, though, it has become easier as I've worked hard on streamlining my grading rubric. 

Let me know if you have any more questions! Even if you don't have online experience, someone will let you in the door.

Working from home with an Infant, Take 2

Here I am, again. A 3 month old (is that still a newborn?), a dissertation to write, and no childcare help. Is it 2009 all over again? Pretty much. (See this post for a little background on what life was like when Q was a baby.) I will say that this time is easier as I am at the end of my project, not the beginning. I had a massive burst of writing energy after returning from a research trip/conference last Spring and managed to put finger to keyboard before Z's birth and can now say I am the proud owner of 170+ pages of dissertation (not counting tables/charts/appendices/what have you).

Also, Z is a little easier to handle than Q (but that's a post for another time).

Z helps me edit a chapter

I continue, however, to bite off more than I can chew.  Like many other families, it is difficult to live off of one income, especially when you add in costs for Q's preschool and the fact that I have used up all my graduate funding, so now we need to pay a one credit fee per semester.  Neither of these costs are excessive, but I definitely feel like a drain. I was extremely fortunate to land an online teaching gig, but this means that my limited time (besides caring for Z full time and Q when she isn't in school - which thanks to viruses going around is most of the time) is now further taken up with teaching and grading, not dissertating.  My dad is going to come to help for a few weeks and I dream of getting a baby-sitter  starting in the Spring for 1-2 days a week, but then I'm sad that at least 1 day would be devoted to grading. I tell myself that I'll wake up at 6am every morning and get in an hour of work, but can't seem to get it together.  I spend a good deal of time dreaming about childcare.  By the way, Z is refusing the bottle, like Q did, so I can't go far even when I get help.

To be constructive for a moment (and see if anyone has suggestions), this is how I have scheduled my week.  It mostly revolves around the schedule for the university at which I teach because each week is a unit and students have weekly assignments which must be submitted by Sunday nights and, as per my job requirements, graded by each Wednesday - so within 72 hours - as well as give a one hour lecture each week for the two classes I teach. (I also respond daily to posts on the discussion board and try to ask each student a question or offer a comment. That rarely takes more than 30 minutes a day, however. I am required to also hold two office hours during class, but I try to be available to students at all times, so this doesn't usually take up too much time, though I am always logged in just in case. I check email daily and always respond in under 24 hrs.)


Monday - grade students' discussion board posts during nap times and give a one hour lecture via the internet during the evening.
Tuesday - grade students' personal essays during nap times and give a one hour lecture via the internet during the evening. (I have been known to finish grading at 4am after Rory wakes up for an early morning meal.)
Wednesday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Thursday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Friday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Saturday - hit the library for 1-2 hrs (no more, because, as mentioned, Z refuses the bottle) to get some books/check some references (in an ideal world)
Sunday - start grading discussion board posts in the late afternoon to get a jumpstart on the marathon grading for the next two days

In this way, I manage to limit my teaching to 2 or so days a week for the most part. Now I just need to motivate myself to accomplish my goals for the dissertation.