Presenting at a Conference with Your Baby: It Takes a Village and Realistic Expectations

I meant to put up this post months ago, but completely got side-tracked by excessive need to chat about anything other than what I mean to talk about.

One of my first posts when I re-started blogging was about how difficult I found it to travel with my family because it was hard to let them act as childcare, because they were doing me a favor. Well, I realized that this desire to minimize the help I received was not leading me to accomplish any of my goals and I began to be more vocal about what I needed and expected if someone was so kind as to offer me their time.

I had a paper accepted at an international conference. A big one. The paper presentation was in October, when Z was not even 2 months old. I needed to take her with me. I needed to give the paper. I needed to see some of the other papers/attend some meals/do some schmoozing. I needed help.

My dad offered right away. I didn't think it was going to work out. My dad likes to attend the conferences. He would want to hear the papers. If left with a 2 month old, he would not be able to join in the fun (and, yes, to us, this is fun). However, after considering hiring a local sitter to watch the baby and seeing if my sister was available, I decided to go with my Dad, because he was willing and could pay for his own flight.

I now feel bad because he did excellently, although I do think that this trip was such a success because I both stated my objectives and what I expected of him as my child's caregiver, but, also, I lowered my expectations about what was truly possible. Also, most of the historians I hung out with were women - many medievalists are women - and, even though I'm sure some will be surprised as they are all ardent feminists, they LOVE babies. The only person there who tolerates babies is my adviser and I knew this going in. My adviser, however, is completely realistic ABOUT babies. She is the oldest of a large family and knows what they demand.

What I'm saying is: you want people to remember you and you are a medievalist? Bring your baby to a conference. Everyone loved her, cooed over how well-behaved she was (she's an infant, she sleeps), and were also so impressed with my Dad, who basically followed me to a foreign country, so I could give a paper.

Here's what I told my Dad: I would leave him with the baby for only two hours at a time and then I would switch with him. He would not be able to bring the baby to my paper. No matter what, he needed to watch the baby while I gave my paper.

Here were my hopes: Attend at least one panel a day. Attend one conference gathering around evening. Go to the "big" conference lunch. Go to dinner with adviser and fellow panelists. Give paper.

Here were my expectations: Give paper.

Honestly, I went into this weekend with the belief that if I just could give the paper all would be well. I embraced Dr. Sear's mantra that even if Z cried for the 90 minute panel, she would be crying in loving arms. Luckily, it wasn't an issue.

I left Z with my dad for two panels on two different days as well as my own panel. I brought her with me to the lunch, to the evening gathering, and to the last panel of the conference. She started the dinner with my adviser hanging out with my Dad, but ended up joining us, screaming in the restaurant on my shoulder for 5 minutes, and passing out. She hung out in a bar with me and some other attendees. For some of this, my dad hovered outside, just in case. For some of it, I let him wander off.

Ultimately, it was a success, because after traveling with Q and trying to figure out what to do and how to handle everything, I decided that I wasn't going to handle everything. If I brought Z somewhere and she became upset, we'd leave. It was life. She was a newborn. Everyone would and did understand. All I wanted to do was give my paper and I did that and more. I had a great weekend. Z loves her PawPaw. As of right now, it is my favorite conference, which I have attended ever.

Also, it's always cool to bring your baby into a bar. Z is so hardcore.

What Q Did When I Said It Might Not Snow

She looked at me, stricken, and said, "But I want it to snow!" And I said, "I know, but it might be too warm and it might not snow." She stared at me for a few seconds and then walked over to her sister and did this:

Hugs make everything better. Z didn't understand what it was all about, but she didn't complain.

Jedi or Hobbit? You decide

I mean, the sleep sack says Jedi, but the hop in her step, smile on her face, and bears on her feet seem to say "leaving The Shire for an adventure!"

 Z demonstrates her multifaceted nature.

TIDWTFT

I am shamelessly borrowing this idea from Shannonlea at Double the Blessings, Twice the Fun. TIDWTFT = Things I Don't Want to Forget Thursday. I'm not sure if I'm going to remember to do it every week, but I really like it.

Q
You have a cold, but are almost better. Every night you cough off and on for about 30 minutes, but you never wake up. You take your vitamins and probiotics nicely because, as you tell us, they will "feel me better." You are working on your letters at Starfall (which is apparently used in our district), but haven't quite accepted that you can't just touch the screen, but must use the trackpad.

Z
You have a cold, too, but are in the middle of it. You hate the nosefrida, but have become very adept at batting it away and twisting your head. I thought I had more time before I'd have to wrestle you to clean your nose! You love to talk and starting "coughing" last week to communicate. You never wake up at night (except to eat), even when your sister coughs for half an hour! Finally, you are working on passing toys from hand to hand (though sometimes your thumb gets in the way) and you can almost fully turn from back to front - if only your pesky arm wouldn't get in the way!

Not a Bad Way to Start the New Year

As I changed Z on my parents bed - we're visiting - Q lay next to her and said, "You're my best friend, Z."

I hope 2013 continues to be just as sweet and loving for all of you.

Activity #8 - Exercising with Your Baby

Z is an athlete. I think. She's not even 4 months old, but I'm pretty impressed. I may be easily impressed as I am NOT an athlete (but H is).

Z works out at her gym. Take that Giraffe!

I plan to run a half-marathon in January 2014 at Walt Disney World, though, and am starting to get myself into gear. The majority of baby weight is gone (only 2lbs left out of the 44 I gained - would you like to see the Excel spreadsheet?) and I am easing back into exercise that consists of more than walking.  I bought a copy of Just Dance 4, which can be found at this link: Ubisoft Just Dance 4 Wii 17720 (Google Affiliate Ad) as well as Just Dance: Disney Party (no affiliate ad, just my love for it). We have already started rocking out to the former - which has the extreme bonus of including Army of Lover's "Crucified" (<--- youtube clip of the awesomeness that is that song in case you don't know what you are missing) - and gifted the latter to Q for Christmas.

In a few months I hope to begin a training regimen for running, but I am taking it slow as I don't want my milk supply to drop. From everything I read, it seems like 6-9 months is plenty of training time to run a half-marathon, which means I should start around April or May 2013 and be fine.

While hanging out at home, thought, I have begun exercising with Z, who is a large almost 4 months, as my weight. She especially loves when I bench press her, though it can get a little dangerous as Z is a spitter upper and massive drooler, but those are the hazards we mothers are willing to undertake to get a proper giggle out of our munchkins.

Here are some web resources I use for inspiration for exercises to do with your baby:

YouTube Video for Exercising with Baby

12 Exercises for Moms and Babies

Babble's List of 10 Exercises for Moms and Babies

Good luck! Let me know what your favorite exercise is :)

Activity #7 - For the Holidays

I tried to do this for both Hanukkah and Christmas, but was unable to find my mini menorah gifted me by my sister-in-law many years ago, so this year's focus was on Christmas. I hope to make it a tradition.

(I should probably put in here that, while my husband and I were both raised Catholic, we're not quite sure what we are doing with Q and Z, although we do want them to have exposure to religion and Q does go to a religious preschool and attend chapel there. Some of my favorite family debates have been over religious doctrine and I'd like to continue that with my children. Ask me sometime about when my oldest brother and I woke up my parents on Christmas Eve to get the copy of the Catechism off their bookshelf as we were debating what, exactly, is meant by the virgin birth.  According to my brother, Jesus popped out like a muffin from the oven. I said Mary experienced the pain of childbirth. Unfortunately, as is so common with our faith, the Catechism declared it to be a mystery. I guess you don't need to ask me as I just told you. Oh, and my sister, who bakes, says muffins don't always come out easily.)

Back to Activity #7 - For the Holidays

First, I went to Amazon and looked up children's bibles. I found Child's Story of the Bible by Mary A. Lathbury.  Her middle name is Artemisia and if that isn't enough to sell you on it, the book is free for the kindle. I have linked through Project Gutenberg, because it has a downloadable copy available with images. I may need to do that as I downloaded the non-image one via Amazon. This version of the bible is great and all the dialogue is from the King James's Version or, as I like to think of it, 'the Linus from The Peanuts version.' It was originally published in 1898 and, as I said, it's great. Alright, so now we had the words.

Next, I brought our nativity set, which was given to us as a wedding present, into the play room and set everything up. Well, I pretty much just put Mary in front of us and added different figures or the manger as the narrative called for them.

Q sets up the nativity while Z watches from her Boppy Chair O' Luxury

Finally, Q, Z, and I acted out the nativity. Q moved all the figures around and I pretended Z was the angel. Q declared that Z wasn't the angel, but was in fact Z. When I said we were pretending, Q then said that Z wanted to be God. I said Z was just going to be the angel.

While some of the finer points of theology might have been lost - such as who 'little Jesus's daddy' is as Q had a hard time embracing the concept - I think I can declare it a successful activity as Q insisted that we do it again. She even performed some of it for her dad and then made us act it all out again today. Unfortunately, the shepherd's hand, the one which held his staff, was broken off during clean up. I'll be super gluing that back on before next year.

Q adds some personal touches to the Nativity. Obviously, the Santa Reindeer is in the apocrypha.

Bonus: while thinking about having Q color some pictures of a menorah, I found the Online Menorah, which lights another candle each night of Hanukkah. How awesome is that?

Working from home with an Infant, Take 2

Here I am, again. A 3 month old (is that still a newborn?), a dissertation to write, and no childcare help. Is it 2009 all over again? Pretty much. (See this post for a little background on what life was like when Q was a baby.) I will say that this time is easier as I am at the end of my project, not the beginning. I had a massive burst of writing energy after returning from a research trip/conference last Spring and managed to put finger to keyboard before Z's birth and can now say I am the proud owner of 170+ pages of dissertation (not counting tables/charts/appendices/what have you).

Also, Z is a little easier to handle than Q (but that's a post for another time).

Z helps me edit a chapter

I continue, however, to bite off more than I can chew.  Like many other families, it is difficult to live off of one income, especially when you add in costs for Q's preschool and the fact that I have used up all my graduate funding, so now we need to pay a one credit fee per semester.  Neither of these costs are excessive, but I definitely feel like a drain. I was extremely fortunate to land an online teaching gig, but this means that my limited time (besides caring for Z full time and Q when she isn't in school - which thanks to viruses going around is most of the time) is now further taken up with teaching and grading, not dissertating.  My dad is going to come to help for a few weeks and I dream of getting a baby-sitter  starting in the Spring for 1-2 days a week, but then I'm sad that at least 1 day would be devoted to grading. I tell myself that I'll wake up at 6am every morning and get in an hour of work, but can't seem to get it together.  I spend a good deal of time dreaming about childcare.  By the way, Z is refusing the bottle, like Q did, so I can't go far even when I get help.

To be constructive for a moment (and see if anyone has suggestions), this is how I have scheduled my week.  It mostly revolves around the schedule for the university at which I teach because each week is a unit and students have weekly assignments which must be submitted by Sunday nights and, as per my job requirements, graded by each Wednesday - so within 72 hours - as well as give a one hour lecture each week for the two classes I teach. (I also respond daily to posts on the discussion board and try to ask each student a question or offer a comment. That rarely takes more than 30 minutes a day, however. I am required to also hold two office hours during class, but I try to be available to students at all times, so this doesn't usually take up too much time, though I am always logged in just in case. I check email daily and always respond in under 24 hrs.)


Monday - grade students' discussion board posts during nap times and give a one hour lecture via the internet during the evening.
Tuesday - grade students' personal essays during nap times and give a one hour lecture via the internet during the evening. (I have been known to finish grading at 4am after Rory wakes up for an early morning meal.)
Wednesday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Thursday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Friday - dissertation work during nap time (in an ideal world)
Saturday - hit the library for 1-2 hrs (no more, because, as mentioned, Z refuses the bottle) to get some books/check some references (in an ideal world)
Sunday - start grading discussion board posts in the late afternoon to get a jumpstart on the marathon grading for the next two days

In this way, I manage to limit my teaching to 2 or so days a week for the most part. Now I just need to motivate myself to accomplish my goals for the dissertation.

A lot can change in a year ...

I'm going to try and get back on the blogging horse, but as for now, here's a snippet of my morning:

<Scene: the playroom, earlier today. Q, who is home from school with a stomach virus, is playing Memory. I am grading on the couch.>

Q: Mom, can I get Reindeer?
Me: No, Q, he is in my room and Z is napping in there.

<Scene: 20 minutes later, the kitchen. I am eating my lunch. Q walks in.>

Q: Mom, Z is awake.
Me: Thanks, Q ... <look up and see Q holding Reindeer> ... Q, did you go and get Reindeer and wake up Z?
Q: Yes.

Z (10 weeks old) snuggles her PawPaw

Yup, we have a new addition to the family: 3 month old baby girl, Z. Q is a big girl and attending preschool. I'm also teaching online and still, of course, writing the dissertation, though there does seem to be an end in sight (true, one over a year away, but in sight).

Q (3 years old) breaks it down at a children's museum